July 21, 2012

Dazed and confused

Segev has been on continuous oxygen supplementation for three weeks now with no sign that the deficit in his left lung will yield any time soon. As perhaps should have been done when I first discussed it in earnest one and a half years ago tomorrow I will actively pursue bringing about the tracheotomy surgery. 
Last night certainly left no room for discussion as I was >this< close to calling an ambulance, which for those that know me already means, 'it's serious folks'. After getting up every twenty minutes or so to adjust the oxygen condenser, which was buckling under the 33 C heat in the house at night, physio and repositioning Segev's saturation continued to drop, briefly down to 79% and even with the addition of pure oxygen it wouldn't cross 84%. 

Segev actually didn't seem stressed at all. Despite that the left side of his chest was not seen to move he seemed quite content to let it be, perhaps in the same way that he has recently started doing again when he stops breathing several times a day, without showing signs of struggle. He seemed more bothered by the constant timed compressions i was performing on his chest. 

I don't silence the grating alarm of the pulseoximeter since that gives a false sense of security and lessens the urgency with which I work.

So I had to hunker down and spent a solid one and a half hours pressing, compressing and massaging as well as trying to open the left nostril which is probably blocked from the broken nose he suffered a few years ago.

Finally at 03.30 the gods smiled and his level was enough that i felt it safe to go back to my bed, a distant 30 centimeters from Segev. From there I probably got up no more than once every hour to change his position, vent his stomach and suction him until it was time to begin the morning routine.

He is lethargic but at least he is conscious. He hasn't smiled in a while and complains a little. A different shade of trouble from the horrendous screaming that plagued him for months. A pound of trouble or nearly half a kilo of problems, which would you prefer?


  1. I am quite sure that dazed and confused is an understatement of the .reality that you confront. I have no doubt that the decision which you make will be right and appropriate one which is guided by the love of a father's heart and soul. Too often, there are no right and wrong answers; only the sincere intuition of the soul united with those for whom we care. I am sure it will be ok and right! Warmest regards and fondest wishes....

  2. I second Phil's comment.

  3. I agree with Phil. When I read your updates on Facebook, I feel the weight of your soul. The exhaustion, the determination and the love. You are both always in my thoughts.

  4. One must do what one must do. Prayers are with you from way over here.

  5. Oh dear. I am so late in reading this -- not sure how I missed it. I am, like the others, sending healing thoughts and wishes for ease for both you and Segev.