May 26, 2016

Thoughts, after fifty years on this earth.




Forty four years ago I decided I would become a writer, because I wanted somehow to bring about resolution to conflicts that I witnessed people experiencing in their lives. That was my second choice, actually, my first was to become God, but I quickly realized that if I could think of that at age six (I wasn’t terribly concerned with actually how I would become God) then adults, infinitely smarter than myself and higher up on the pecking order, could do so and would be given preference.
But stories could be manipulated, changed, and so I vaguely envisioned rewriting people’s lives and conflicts and that they would then be able to see that things could be done differently and the outcome would be a more positive one.

May 05, 2016

The aging caregiver

There was a short conversation with the palliative physician who joined the team about six months ago. Going forward, after the catastrophe of attempting to control my son’s pain with a variety of opiates, putting him at death’s door yet again, he said he was running out of options. Fortunately I was able to increase his three other pain meds and add a fourth, which is helping Segev considerably.
But today is another such day where he is suffering signifcant pain. The last week has been another episode where he is vomiting frequently, his lungs are heavily congested, there is an increase in seizures and drops in oxygen saturation and a hard battle with an infected gastrostomy site, despite the constant methods of care. Today is another day where I need to decide whether I go to work or stay by his side.