October 27, 2014

The night air

Do you know what I discovered tonight? That you can love someone so much that, as they are suffering deeply, you hold yourself back in fully living that love and the realization hits you that it is because of the fear that your love is somehow inadequate.

Or so I thought. Then it occurred to me that it isn’t that you don’t bring all of your love to bear, but rather that you couldn’t admit to yourself, that your love for them is so unfathomably deep, you fear the moment you will see the contrast between your love and their suffering, like a grotesque reflection in the mirror, and be overwhelmed by pain.

Anthology of poetry

The expanded, second edition of the Anthology of poetry is now available for purchasing online.

(Other online book retailers will carry the title in a week or two)

October 02, 2014

Rest easy

As the memorial eve of Tracy Latimer’s death approaches (October 24th) I find that I still feel sadness for her passing and am drawn once again into the realm of existential angst. For those who are not familiar with the case, Robert Latimer, her father, was convicted of murdering his 13 year old severely disabled daughter by asphyxiation.

He maintains that this was a ‘mercy killing’, that his daughter’s life was primarily defined by her suffering and that the immediate future would be even worse as the medical intervention recommended to alleviate some of her physical pain would, in and of itself, cause severe pain during the lengthy recovery period. He made his decision to give her rest, or, as one popular culture writer put it in such coarse and grisly term, “The long, hard goodbye”.

August 24, 2014

AS TIME GOES BY...(revisited)

I published this June 28, 2011. Some things remain the same. 

My son is not normal.  Far from it. As a matter of fact he is so far from normal that there are few words which can describe him. Nevertheless I try. I want to find the words which can describe such an odd existence of twitches of muscle that build to crescendo and crash like the waves breaking on the shore. And the quiet after the storm of each major seizure. The endless surge of hundreds of thousands of seizures.

August 01, 2014

Segev is once again on antibiotics, he has pneumonia.  His last episode was just one and a half months ago, but he is responding well. The side effects for my son have been so severe in the past that it has influenced my decision, whether to start with the medication or tough it out, as we have done so, so often, using instead a combination of abundant and intense chest physio sessions, nebulizer therapy and herbal medicine. 

July 12, 2014

As a child, you could say I was a bit superstitious. When eight, walking along the sidewalk to school I would always make certain I didn't step on any ants because I thought that it could bring bad karma. I've changed my views about these kinds of things in the last forty years but one kind of superstition turns out to be real and displays a tenacity which is dumbfounding.

July 01, 2014

Part ll

My son is having a rough time of it, again.  But there are moments when serenity spreads her wings; his face is relaxed, a small but potent smile comes on and his eyes sparkle like a kid seeing Disneyworld for the first time. I find, for lack of a better word, a sense of grace in these moments of reprieve from his increasingly frequent discomfort. They are even as predictable as they are significant because finally there is something concrete and positive that comes by way of my own hands as I work to massage his back in preparation, then work harder still but with delicate precision, to decompress his spine and see him relax completely.  

May 28, 2014

An ode to my daughter (and son!)

My daughter is coming home. At age eighteen (having finished secondary school with high marks) she was due for her army service, but since it is possible to postpone the induction by a year through a special program that allows one to gather experience, often in the form of volunteering to help the community. She chose to work as a ranger in the nature reserve at Ein Gedi which is located on the shores of the dead sea.