I stand before you a broken man. Well, not exactly. What some have actually failed to realize is that the title of this blog does not refer to being broken but rather to being broken down, psychologically, pieces and elements becoming visible during duress which allow us to see the glue that holds us together, which is normally unseen.
If there is one thing I have learned from these devilish experiences it is that the spirit cannot be broken but that fatigue goes a long way in allowing you a peek into the innards of your psyche.
So no, no I did not pull a 'cool hand luke' here. I did take Segev out of the hospital though and brought him home. I wish there was some interesting drama in that last sentence which I could share with you but there isn't. Although I did see a few scenarios pop into my head where there was confrontation and even shouting as I wheeled Segev out of hospital, cursing over my shoulder. But everything went quietly and with surprising efficiency as I made my decision to remove Segev to a safe haven after the morning rounds did not reveal any new direction from the physician's and I made an impromptu rendezvous with the attending, Segev preceding me in his wheelchair like a war chariot. She agreed that there was nothing holding us there any longer. Just the opposite; Segev developed phlebitis in both of his last two intravenous sites, necessitating their removal and further limiting the ability to intervene medicinally. So this last exit was quite the denouement.
Final diagnosis is RSV virus resulting in bronchiolitis. This comes after the gastroenteritis virus gained from the first stay and the Status Epilepticus which started the hospitalization which was caused by the diarrhea and vomiting caused by the Flu and the antibiotics which was implemented to prevent a bacterial pneumonia.
Segev is improving or at least has the appearance of improvement. All that hard work over the years, in order to keep his weight up, his circulation tenable, his lungs functioning, have paid off. He survived it. But there shall be no rest in this real world of tough decisions and unforgiving circumstance. The show must go on. And this is not to say I am not tired. I feel the quivering weakness in my bones, literally. I am nauseous from fatigue. Food tastes very bland, lights seem to shine strangely, making it difficult to see. I went to do shopping while Segev is with his mother and stood at the supermarket counter for so long deciding whether it was roast beef or corned beef that I should get that the woman was giving me a strange look. My feet shuffled through the familiar aisles and this familiarity allowed me to complete the shopping without getting lost to peculiar thoughts vying for my attention. "I know this aisle", "I need to turn left now", kept me going.