I kiss his hand.
It is damp as he flickers in and out
Do you understand?
I'm here, watching him,
watching over him.
He seems everywhere, in everything
and yet I must keep him
in this tiny little life where anything
Both by lack of choice and by choice, the hours that I am with Segev both as father and caregiver, present unique challenges. The accumulative affect both strengthens and weakens me; being able to see a positive change in his condition, though momentary, is a collusion of Giri-Ninjo that both elates, giving hope but also deepens darker feelings.
Possibly the main challenge I face each day is that I ask myself, how can I love him more? Some days I even wrestle with the issue, while other days I prefer to retreat to my shell. What? What is that you say? How is it possible to love him more? Because love is bottomless, endless.