May 17, 2013


Day after day,
the level of anxiety has been considerable. Since the last time I posted there has been no steady reassurance of resolution to his double pneumonia as his oxygen parameters refuse to stabilize, dipping both suddenly and violently.

As of now there is nowhere to anchor a stream of thought in order to categorize events or form a strategy. Seizures follow no pattern and thus confound finding any source. His temperature is regularly lower than normal and it is often difficult to tell whether he is conscious or not.

It is certainly tempting to throw everything, every form of treatment, into the fray since uncertainty, including the reaction to the dangerous antibiotic, manifests itself everywhere. Juggling so many medications, precise feeding schedule and extensive, hours long physiotherapy in the face of his baffling interconnected array of clinical signs and symptoms on a continual lack of sleep may perhaps create strong fears where there need not be.

Segev’s brother and sister regularly endure these situations of alternating calm and hysteria, exhaustion and exhilaration, rapid intervention and absentminded lethargy. I wonder what they will make of it all after they have gained the experience in life to give form and perspective to these endless days and nights.


  1. Yes, a lack of sleep contributes, but we are all too prone to catastrophic thinking, soul weariness and extreme anxiety when things are as they should be. I have no solutions for catastrophic thinking other than the share the thoughts and emotions with others...when they understand and feel it can have a somewhat tranquilizing effect. Thoughts with you all!

  2. I have said this over and over on your blog as you keep us apprised of dear Segev's ups and downs and your own, but I will say it again. I wish you continued strength and courage and ease.

  3. A very exhausting state for all of you; I hope you can support each other through the chaos and uncertainty and
    that Segev's consciousness is somehow floating serenely above it all.